Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce. But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor. Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road. Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.
Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.
If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.
If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse. Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling. Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so. Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.
Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But that’s not true. But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.
If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true. Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.
If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.
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Do you know how to keep a woman happy? Here is some advice on relationships for men.
The first advice on relationships item I have for you is to always be yourself. Many men don’t feel that they are good enough to catch a beautiful, sexy woman, so they put on a show. But a confident man is the sexiest beast around. Have you ever noticed that some of the ugliest guys have some of the prettiest women? That is because they display a level of confidence that is more attractive to women than physical looks.
Next, you should do the little things. This means offering to take her car in for an oil change or giving her a bag of Jelly Bellies (her favorite flavors) from time to time. Sometimes men think in terms of “grand gestures,” when it is the little things add up to long relationships.
This ties into the next piece of advice on relationships: appreciate her. You shouldn’t take her for granted. Let her know that you value her.
Next up is not obviously looking at other women when you are with her. Women think that you are comparing her to the woman you’re looking at. They don’t understand the whole concept of “the day I stop looking is the day I die.” This comes from the biological drive for monogamy in women. Women are looking for a lifetime partner for a man with whom they can raise children. They can’t help it. That’s how evolution designed them. So minimize the ogling, especially when she’s around.
You should try to make her laugh. While men list good looks at the top of the things they need in a woman, women list a man’s sense of humor. So, if you want the relationship to last, keep her laughing.
The next bit of advice on relationships comes in seeking common interests. It’s great if you got together because of a hobby or an interest, but it still helps when you take an interest in a long standing passion of hers. If this means developing an appreciation for foreign films, so be it. This shows that you care about her and she’ll know you are one in a million.
Once you get the girl, it may seem like you don’t have to try anymore – at least as far as grooming goes. And, while women are less sensitive to looks than men are, they still like a man who makes an attempt. So, shave on weekends. Keep in touch with the latest fashion trends for men. In short, don’t get sloppy just because you’ve landed her. You can unland her just as easily.
She’s going to need to know that she can integrate you into her circle of family and friends. A man must be part of her larger life, especially after the first few weeks of passion are over. So, make an effort to get along with her girlfriends and impress her parents. A woman relies on her social network to validate her relationship choices. Make an effort.
You should always be considerate of her feelings. Women are less stable than guys. Part of this is hormonal. When you are sensitive to her mood, you won’t get on her bad side.
The final piece of advice on relationships is to be open to trying new things. At the beginning of a relationship, everything is new from the types of dates you arrange to the way you kiss. But, after a while, these things become routine. If you find that your relationship has fallen into a rut, shake things up. Try something new. It will go a long way to keeping your relationship healthy.
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(ARA) - A man is supposed to be physically healthy and emotionally strong. So where does he turn to when a disease such as prostate cancer comes along, which threatens this? An international call to action has been launched which draws attention to the impact that prostate cancer has on a man’s love life, and calls for much better information to help couples through this difficult time.
More than 230,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer every year. “It is reaching epidemic proportions and is possibly one of the biggest challenges to men’s health in the world today,” says Tom Kirk of Us TOO International Prostate Cancer Education and Support Network.
The international call to action asks men and their families to confront the disease and assemble the best team of doctors and researchers around them for advice on treatment options, and draw strength from the loving support of their family to help them manage the impact the disease can have on how they feel emotionally.
Marriage and family therapists, Douglas and Sandy Jardine have firsthand experience living with prostate cancer, following Douglas’ diagnosis in 2006. “We knew that after his surgery for prostate cancer, erectile dysfunction would be inevitable at least for a few months” says Sandy. “We planned a romantic weekend away just before surgery day. We joked about having sex all weekend, but it was bittersweet and somewhat sad.”
“As a couple, we needed to know much earlier, and before the surgery, about the near certainty of some level of permanent sexual dysfunction after removal of the cancer. We needed clearer and more realistic predictions of how long it could take before things improved. Our hope is that health professionals will increasingly provide this education before surgery. This will empower the man and his partner, and could be of help in keeping the partners connected,” she says.
Prostate cancer survivor Jim Kiefert was diagnosed with prostate cancer 20 years ago at age 50. Kiefert, who is chairman of the board of directors of Us TOO International, was told that he had between one and three years to live. “I was told that I had failed the treatments and there was no known cure,” Kiefert says. “I felt very depressed. But my wife Maureen and I learned everything we could about prostate cancer and made changes in our diet and exercise, and practiced stress reduction. We’ve been real fighters.”
Although prostate cancer strikes only men, it can have a profound impact on the man, the couple and the family. “Keep talking to each other, reach out to family and friends, and learn all that you can about the disease. Join a prostate cancer support group, and put your relationship first. Listen to your partner’s feelings, and be a safe haven for each other,” says Sandy.
For additional information visit Us TOO International Prostate Cancer Education and Support Network at www.ustoo.org or ZERO – The Project to End Prostate Cancer at www.zerocancer.org.
Courtesy of ARAcontent
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Relationship recession survival guide
How to battle money not your honey
(ARA) - Summer is all about spontaneous getaways, romantic interludes and young love, but the current economic condition can take its toll on your relationship. With financial stresses at an all time high, it’s often easy to put your romance on the backburner. In fact, 43 percent of U.S. couples say the recession has caused them to argue more often and primarily about finances, according to a recent survey by PayPal.
“Everyone is looking for ways to cope with the recession — whether it’s dinner on a budget, staying on top of your game at work, or cutting back on travel, and in the midst of trying to find these solutions, relationships are sometimes the first thing that suffers,” says Microsoft senior product manager, Karin Muskopf. “MSN.com put together a recession survival kit that offers our readers simple tips for coping with the stress of the economy, including a special section with tips and tricks on how to keep your relationship fresh and stress-free during the tough times.”
There are also some interesting ways to keep spending to a minimum and fun to a maximum, such as date night ideas for under $15.
* Watching the Sun Set: Like our love lives, it’s easy to overlook the beautiful things that happen around us every day. Watch the sun go down and share kisses under the stars.
Blanket to sit on: $6
Sunglasses: $2/each at your local drugstore
Lemonade: $1/each
Total: $15
* People-watching: Not all dates have to be steamy. Simply spending time together is what dating is all about. Pick a beautiful day to sit on a bench in a park and marvel at the wonders of nature.
Bottle of wine: $8
Plastic cups: $3
Bench: free
Marveling at the wonders of the public: More fun than you think
Total: $11
* Movie Night with Friends: Miss the wild abandon of your college days? Have the gang over for beers and movie — but save the make-out session for later.
Renting “Old School”: $5
Inviting your friends over: free
Going old school and having people throw in beer money at the door: awesome
Going streaking through the quad: optional
Popcorn for 20: $10
Total: $15
Other simple and affordable tips from MSN include:
* Stay on the same team: Remember you are not mad at each other, you are mad at the invisible enemy — money. Expressing disagreement, distress, and anger is part of problem solving. But, there’s healthy confrontation and then there’s kicking someone when he or she is down. Use your fingers for grabbing hands and holding on, not pointing. You’re in this together.
* Withdraw your identity from your bank account: We measure a lot in this society by the wealth a person appears to have. When it feels like the rest of the world is looking down, be the one who keeps your mate’s chin up. Affirm other kinds of success: friendship, parenting, a talent. Everyone needs to hear the words, “I believe in you,” and more so in times of self-doubt.
* Maintain a one-man-down policy with each other: If one is feeling depressed or anxious, the other has to stay up on his or her end of the seesaw.
* Reach out: Let friends and family in on what is going on with you and your financial situation. It will open the door to a flood of support. Admitting you are vulnerable will allow others to let down their own facade of “fine, thank you.”
* Take time out from worry: As with checking accounts, you aren’t always able to put into your relationship what is taken out. It’s hard to afford romance and intimacy when you are consumed by worry. Set aside time for you and your significant other, to enjoy time-out from worry.
* Always kiss each other good night: Don’t let the magic fade with overpowering conversations of the economic downturn, keep the romance alive, and never forget to kiss each other good night.
For additional tips on how to survive the recession, check out the MSN Recession Survival Guide at savings.msn.com.
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Finding relationship refuge with a good night’s sleep
Relationship expert: Be your best through better sleep
(ARA) - The hectic pace of day-to-day life shows few signs of slowing; however, the peaceful sanctuary couples are seeking may be closer than they think – in their own bedrooms.
For many of today’s couples though, the terms “bedroom” and “peaceful sanctuary” are more an oxymoron than a reality. A recent survey from the National Sleep Foundation found 25 to 33 percent of couples feel their relationships are negatively impacted by their partner’s bad sleep habits, and Tempur-Pedic’s 2009 Wellness Survey supports this notion, finding 61 percent of adults admit they wish the bedroom was a place where they could relax.
All this said, relationship expert and Tempur-Pedic Wellness Advisor Dr. Scott Stanley found that a few simple changes to a couple’s sleeping habits can ensure their bedroom offers the restful retreat they need. Stanley, a research professor and co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, studies how to improve relationships, with growing attention to the crucial role of being able to get a good night’s sleep.
First and foremost, Stanley says couples need to set the mood for a good night’s sleep by creating a relaxing, “conflict-free” sleeping environment. By keeping the stress of the day on the other side of the bedroom door, partners will be able to achieve the right frame of mind to sufficiently wind down for a restful night, so be sure to shelf anything that may be upsetting for a more appropriate time and place.
“Good sleep requires your mind and body to be moving into a calmer, settled state,” says Stanley. “Conflict, anxiety and stress will interfere with falling and staying asleep. When you feel like you have to be on your guard, you will find it hard to calm down into the state where you most easily fall asleep.”
Secondly, couples must find a way to deal with common sleep distractions, including regular movement from one’s partner during sleep. Research has shown sleep movement is more prevalent when sharing a bed, and as such, it is critical for individuals to keep their partner’s sleep quality in mind. Investing in mattresses that minimize motion transfer, like those in Tempur-Pedic’s line of Swedish Sleep Systems, allow couples to be close without disturbing each other when moving.
Additionally, different sleeping patterns and schedules can cause couples to imperil what Stanley calls the “Sleep Zone.” However, with a little planning, and maybe even some compromise, couples can create a sleep schedule that works for both bedmates – whether they are the lightest of sleepers or the latest of night-owls. Setting a bedtime that works for both parties and establishing a routine allows couples to work around the differences in habits and biology that get them out of sync to begin with. “It’s important to talk openly together – to be a team – about what you each can do to help the other get better sleep,” says Stanley.
Finally, some couples need to tackle the unpleasant issue of snoring – a prevalent bedroom offense. Have a plan for how to handle the situation when it arises. Agreeing ahead of time that it is alright for one’s partner to roll, poke or wake the snorer can avoid an argument and effectively abbreviate what could otherwise become an all-night snoring session or sleep-disrupting argument.
“Couples should keep in mind that if snoring is a chronic occurrence, a serious health issue may be to blame,” warns Stanley. “Because of this, couples should consult a doctor to ensure the pattern is not a symptom of a more serious problem – and if nothing else, to get some suggestions for how to alleviate the snoring.”
“Studies have proven that better sleep will benefit your relationship,” says Stanley. “If you do all you can to help each of you, individually, get a good night’s sleep, you will find it easier to be your best for and with each other.”
For more relationship research, visit www.slidingvsdeciding.com, or to learn more about the Tempur-Pedic sleep experience from satisfied owners, visit www.tempurpedic.com/owners.
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If you’ve just been through a breakup, you’re probably wondering, ‘Can I get my ex boyfriend back?” at least several times a day. Every relationship is different, so every break up is different. But there are some things you can do to help get him back.
Be nice.
That might go without saying, but some people think nagging is the best way to get what they want. It’s not. If you nag, complain or act unpleasant, you’re just reminding him of things he wants to get away from. If you make things uncomfortable every time you see him, he’ll only want to see you less and less.
The last thing you want to do is drive him farther away. Be as pleasant as you can whenever you’re around him, unless the only way to do so is to be absolutely fake.
If you’re wondering, can I get my ex boy friend back by pretending to be this way or that way? Then you have to wonder why you want to be back with him anyway. You might be better off finding someone who doesn’t make you need to pretend.
If you can be pleasant, then whatever problems you had before the breakup probably don’t seem nearly as important now. You might find yourself wondering why you weren’t more pleasant when you were together.
You can’t change the past, but do remember that later when you’re back together. Point it out to him, and let him know that you did take him for granted. He probably took you for granted too, but don’t expect him to admit it now.
Some other things you might be thinking of trying could either be disastrous or they could work in your favor.
Can I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a girlfriend?
This is probably the hardest situation to overcome. Not only is it difficult to be alone with him if he has someone else, he’s focused on the new relationship. You’re part of the past, and not a priority. Being nice right now is crucial. You have to make him see how wonderful you are and how much he’s missing.
Can I get my ex boyfriend back by trickery?
No matter what kind of deception you’re thinking of, even if it doesn’t seem harmful—forget it now. Even the most innocent-seeming lie or exaggeration could backfire later. What’s the point of figuring out how to get him back only to lose him a little while later because he finds out about your dishonesty?
Can I get my ex boyfriend back by making him jealous?
It’s possible, but it could also backfire and make him think you’ve moved on. If you really feel the need to date, then do so if you need that to be happy.
But if you’re considering going out with someone just to make your ex jealous, that’s not really fair to your date, or you. Games like this usually don’t work. Be honest with yourself and others, and you stand a better chance of getting back together with your ex.
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