Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce. But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor. Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road. Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.
Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.
If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.
If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse. Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling. Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so. Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.
Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But that’s not true. But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.
If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true. Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.
If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.
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(ARA) - A man is supposed to be physically healthy and emotionally strong. So where does he turn to when a disease such as prostate cancer comes along, which threatens this? An international call to action has been launched which draws attention to the impact that prostate cancer has on a man’s love life, and calls for much better information to help couples through this difficult time.
More than 230,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer every year. “It is reaching epidemic proportions and is possibly one of the biggest challenges to men’s health in the world today,” says Tom Kirk of Us TOO International Prostate Cancer Education and Support Network.
The international call to action asks men and their families to confront the disease and assemble the best team of doctors and researchers around them for advice on treatment options, and draw strength from the loving support of their family to help them manage the impact the disease can have on how they feel emotionally.
Marriage and family therapists, Douglas and Sandy Jardine have firsthand experience living with prostate cancer, following Douglas’ diagnosis in 2006. “We knew that after his surgery for prostate cancer, erectile dysfunction would be inevitable at least for a few months” says Sandy. “We planned a romantic weekend away just before surgery day. We joked about having sex all weekend, but it was bittersweet and somewhat sad.”
“As a couple, we needed to know much earlier, and before the surgery, about the near certainty of some level of permanent sexual dysfunction after removal of the cancer. We needed clearer and more realistic predictions of how long it could take before things improved. Our hope is that health professionals will increasingly provide this education before surgery. This will empower the man and his partner, and could be of help in keeping the partners connected,” she says.
Prostate cancer survivor Jim Kiefert was diagnosed with prostate cancer 20 years ago at age 50. Kiefert, who is chairman of the board of directors of Us TOO International, was told that he had between one and three years to live. “I was told that I had failed the treatments and there was no known cure,” Kiefert says. “I felt very depressed. But my wife Maureen and I learned everything we could about prostate cancer and made changes in our diet and exercise, and practiced stress reduction. We’ve been real fighters.”
Although prostate cancer strikes only men, it can have a profound impact on the man, the couple and the family. “Keep talking to each other, reach out to family and friends, and learn all that you can about the disease. Join a prostate cancer support group, and put your relationship first. Listen to your partner’s feelings, and be a safe haven for each other,” says Sandy.
For additional information visit Us TOO International Prostate Cancer Education and Support Network at www.ustoo.org or ZERO – The Project to End Prostate Cancer at www.zerocancer.org.
Courtesy of ARAcontent
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Relationship recession survival guide
How to battle money not your honey
(ARA) - Summer is all about spontaneous getaways, romantic interludes and young love, but the current economic condition can take its toll on your relationship. With financial stresses at an all time high, it’s often easy to put your romance on the backburner. In fact, 43 percent of U.S. couples say the recession has caused them to argue more often and primarily about finances, according to a recent survey by PayPal.
“Everyone is looking for ways to cope with the recession — whether it’s dinner on a budget, staying on top of your game at work, or cutting back on travel, and in the midst of trying to find these solutions, relationships are sometimes the first thing that suffers,” says Microsoft senior product manager, Karin Muskopf. “MSN.com put together a recession survival kit that offers our readers simple tips for coping with the stress of the economy, including a special section with tips and tricks on how to keep your relationship fresh and stress-free during the tough times.”
There are also some interesting ways to keep spending to a minimum and fun to a maximum, such as date night ideas for under $15.
* Watching the Sun Set: Like our love lives, it’s easy to overlook the beautiful things that happen around us every day. Watch the sun go down and share kisses under the stars.
Blanket to sit on: $6
Sunglasses: $2/each at your local drugstore
Lemonade: $1/each
Total: $15
* People-watching: Not all dates have to be steamy. Simply spending time together is what dating is all about. Pick a beautiful day to sit on a bench in a park and marvel at the wonders of nature.
Bottle of wine: $8
Plastic cups: $3
Bench: free
Marveling at the wonders of the public: More fun than you think
Total: $11
* Movie Night with Friends: Miss the wild abandon of your college days? Have the gang over for beers and movie — but save the make-out session for later.
Renting “Old School”: $5
Inviting your friends over: free
Going old school and having people throw in beer money at the door: awesome
Going streaking through the quad: optional
Popcorn for 20: $10
Total: $15
Other simple and affordable tips from MSN include:
* Stay on the same team: Remember you are not mad at each other, you are mad at the invisible enemy — money. Expressing disagreement, distress, and anger is part of problem solving. But, there’s healthy confrontation and then there’s kicking someone when he or she is down. Use your fingers for grabbing hands and holding on, not pointing. You’re in this together.
* Withdraw your identity from your bank account: We measure a lot in this society by the wealth a person appears to have. When it feels like the rest of the world is looking down, be the one who keeps your mate’s chin up. Affirm other kinds of success: friendship, parenting, a talent. Everyone needs to hear the words, “I believe in you,” and more so in times of self-doubt.
* Maintain a one-man-down policy with each other: If one is feeling depressed or anxious, the other has to stay up on his or her end of the seesaw.
* Reach out: Let friends and family in on what is going on with you and your financial situation. It will open the door to a flood of support. Admitting you are vulnerable will allow others to let down their own facade of “fine, thank you.”
* Take time out from worry: As with checking accounts, you aren’t always able to put into your relationship what is taken out. It’s hard to afford romance and intimacy when you are consumed by worry. Set aside time for you and your significant other, to enjoy time-out from worry.
* Always kiss each other good night: Don’t let the magic fade with overpowering conversations of the economic downturn, keep the romance alive, and never forget to kiss each other good night.
For additional tips on how to survive the recession, check out the MSN Recession Survival Guide at savings.msn.com.
Courtesy of ARAcontent
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People often come to relationships with bad habits when it comes to getting along with another person. They may have every intention of making a relationship work, but ingrained trends stop them from truly connecting. There are many such bad habits.
Jealousy plagues many otherwise good relationships. A boyfriend might always suspect his girlfriend of going around with other men. Or, it could be more subtle. A woman may suspect that her husband is constantly looking for another female to take her place. In either case, the jealous person may have nothing real to worry about. This is when it gets to be nothing more than a bad habit.
Selective hearing is another problem that becomes a bad habit in relationships. People do not pay attention to each other’s needs. One person will try to explain something that is important to them, and the other will say, “yes, yes,” but will not really hear.
Then, when the first person says something the second person is interested in, suddenly they are in the conversation completely. This fosters feelings of hostility, and is one of the relationship bad habits that can wear a couple down over time.
People can develop bad habits in long relationships if they lean too much on the other person. They can depend so much on the other person that they lose the ability to take care of themselves. A person in a relationship may become irresponsible at work because of it. They may feel that they are taken care of anyway, so it does not matter. These bad habits can take over every aspect of their lives.
Some couples fall into bad habits in their fighting. All healthy couples will disagree from time to time. Where bad habits come in is the way the arguments are conducted. One partner may have the bad habit of yelling at the top of her lungs.
Another partner may throw dishes instead. Still another may bring up old arguments to try to hurt the other person. All these are bad habits in relationships because they are not productive forms of disagreement.
Many people in relationships get into the bad habits of nagging their partners. This has often been portrayed as a women’s fault. However, men do it too. Sometimes, both parties in the relationship will nag each other. That makes for a very unhealthy relationship.
Blaming comes with its own price. This is a bad habit that erodes a relationship if it goes on too long. One person may be taking all the blame. In this case, that person’s self esteem can get to a very low point.
Other times, people can blame each other. If this happens, the usual result is a disconnect between the two partners. They do not want to be involved with someone who does not accept responsibility.
If you want to have a healthy relationship, you need to purge yourself of your bad habits. The sooner you learn what you and your partner need to stay together, the better your bond will be.
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Cheating of one or both partners can strongly affect your martial relationship. An extra-marital affair is a heart-breaking and embarrassing situation for both the partners and indicates the failure of companionship and married life. The most important base of any marriage is trust and faith which may get weakened due to the extra-marital affair.
It may give rise to the marital problems like conflicts and bitterness which when crosses the limits can result in separation. However, separation is a very painful and stressful situation for both the partners; you should try to save your relationships after cheating.
It may be very painful and hurting for you if you come to know that your partner is cheating you. But, don’t get frustrated or panic at such situations, remain calm and try to control the situation. Think about how you can handle this situation and find out the ways to save your relationships after cheating.
It is quite obvious that you get angry with your partner, but cool down and try to know why your partner is cheating you. In most cases, the reason of cheating is not that the partner who is cheating has no emotional feelings, but it may be due to his/her physical need. In such situation, you can grab the attention of your partner with your intense love.
Whatever may be the reason of cheating, ‘forgive and forget’ is an important key factor to save your relationships after cheating. When you realize that you have been cheated by your partner, talk to him/her about it openly and find out about his/her willing to save the marriage and try to understand your partner’s approach about it. Express your love for your partner and make him/her realize how much you need him/her. If you get the positive response from your partner, then forgive him/her and say ‘Let’s make a new start’.
If you are successful in developing a deep love for each other, then this problem can be easily solved. The important step you should take to save your relationships after cheating is to find out your drawbacks and mistakes. Take efforts to improve your personality and behavior and avoid doing the things by which your partner gets hurt.
Plan to spend the vacation with your partner and go for outings. Give time for each other, improve the communication between you, try to find out the differences between you and overcome them.
If you are your partner who is cheating, then you should equally contribute and take efforts to save the marriage. You should promise to end your affair and be loyal with your partner. Your body language is significant when you are saying ‘sorry’ to your partner.
If your partner is ready to forgive you and forget the bitterness, you should respond him/her in a positive way. You should also express deep love for your partner and make him/her know how much you need your partner and how incomplete you are without him/her. This will surely work and you will be able to reignite love in your partner’s mind.
When both of you take the efforts to save your relationships after cheating is not difficult, you will be successful to improve your relationships and live happily together.
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A man walks into a store, searching for a gift at the last minute for his wife for their anniversary. He browses for an hour, attempting to find just the right gift, yet leaves the store empty handed, unable to make a decision on what to purchase. The man arrives home, steamed and angry that he does not have his wife a gift, and today is their first anniversary.
When he walks into the house, his wife greets him with a hug, and asks how his day went. He immediately goes on the defensive, saying if his wife had not kept him out with friends over the weekend or insisted they go to dinner the evening before, he would have had time to shop for an anniversary gift for her. He talks to her in an angry and harsh tone, insisting that it is her fault he did not get her a gift.
As the wife grows more upset at her husband’s behavior, informing him he had an entire year to find a gift, not just a couple hours after work on their anniversary, and that rather wait until the last minute, he could have made an attempt any time in the last week, month, etc. She gets angry and says ugly words to him, then gets upset that she said such hurtful words, and blames him for upsetting her and causing her to curse and lose control.
These two people are not alone in the way they act, feel, or behave. They are both playing the Blame Game, a game many people unfortunately play. Some realize they are playing, and some simply have no idea.
How do we respond when people blame us for their bad behavior? How do we stop playing the Blame Game? The first step is the need to recognize the behavior and why these actions are occurring.
Let’s take the couple mentioned above, beginning with the wife. It’s understandable that she would become upset over her husband being upset, and more so that she would be at his blaming her for what he didn’t do. But why would she blame him when she lost control and said things that she should not have said? He didn’t cause her to say those words. She wanted to blame him for her losing control. The simple fact is she lost control on her own. Instead of accepting responsibility for her lack of control, she chose to blame him.
And now for the husband’s part in the issue. Why did he chose to get upset and blame her because he waited too long and couldn’t find her a gift for their anniversary? Was it really her fault? Why couldn’t he just be honest and say he waited and didn’t find something rather than blaming her?
Unfortunately, some people make it a habit to behave badly and then place the blame for that bad behavior on another person. In their mind, it gives them an excuse to continue to behave in an unacceptable way. As long as they don’t accept responsibility for their bad behavior, they think they don’t have to admit to how they behave and therefore think they don’t have to change. Instead of just saying they messed up, they blame another person for how they act or talk.
A classic example… Fred greets a customer in his place of employment. The customer is in a grouchy mood. As Fred cheerfully tries to help the customer, his nice mood quickly turns sour as the customer talks in a mean tone to him repeatedly. Instead of maintaining his cool, Fred ends up speaking to the customer in the same mean manner that the customer is speaking to him. After the customer leaves, Fred is upset at himself for acting that way, but blames it on the customer.
When another person talks badly to us or behaves badly towards us, it’s often difficult to maintain our cool, to not get upset at them. And when they blame us for their actions or behaviors, it’s very difficult to maintain control and not fall into the Blame Game trap. It’s important to remember that when someone starts pointing fingers for their behavior, that doesn’t mean that we have to do the same thing.
The easiest way to be healed of this dreadful disease is to simply start taking responsibility for our own actions. When we mess up, look in the mirror and blame the one looking back at us rather than blame someone else who never made us do or not do something. And when someone does blame us, don’t fall into the same trap and act as they are acting.
No one makes us behave badly. No one makes us talk in a mean manner to another person. No one makes us treat another person badly. When we fail to treat a person with love and compassion, we have only one person to blame… that human in the mirror peering back at us.
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