The Magic of Making Up: Get Your Ex Back
One of the worst things that can happen to a family is for the parents to break up. Whether the parents are married or just living together, relationships can come undone all too easily for various reasons. So many of the brokenhearted just allow things to end this way, rather than seek relationship advice and try to mend the relationship. It doesn’t have to be that way!
Let me clarify before I go on… letting go of a relationship is a MUST if there is abuse. Otherwise, even if one wants out or leaves, there is hope and there is help.
Most of us have had our share of heartaches, had our hearts broken. And I am sure most of us have regretted letting someone that we love slip away… all over either pride, saying things we didn’t really mean in the heat of anger, the refusal to forgive mistakes, etc.
How many of us, when relationship issues arise, leave the other person and then miss them terribly and want them back, but just have no idea what to do, how to fix problems, or how to get our ex back? And it’s not just always about us, the adults, it’s about the kids too.
Well there’s hope, there’s help, there’s a way. There’s a guy named TW Jackson that has written an ebook about this very thing. And this guy knows what he is talking about. He’s helped so many couples get back together. It’s totally amazing! On his site, he gives the lowdown on just what his ebook contains, and let me tell you, it’s beyond awesome what this will do for a relationship.
So if you are having relationship problems, if your ex is gone and you want him or her back, if you need help, if you want to know what to do, if you want to heal, if you are tired of missing him or her, if you want your life back, then let TW Jackson help you with his relationship ebook, The Magic of Making Up: Get Your Ex Back.
Click Here for More Details and to Get Your Copy of “The Magic of Making Up: Get Your Ex Back” Now.
Tagged as:
ebooks,
get ex back,
realtionship tips,
relationship advice,
relationship help
A man walks into a store, searching for a gift at the last minute for his wife for their anniversary. He browses for an hour, attempting to find just the right gift, yet leaves the store empty handed, unable to make a decision on what to purchase. The man arrives home, steamed and angry that he does not have his wife a gift, and today is their first anniversary.
When he walks into the house, his wife greets him with a hug, and asks how his day went. He immediately goes on the defensive, saying if his wife had not kept him out with friends over the weekend or insisted they go to dinner the evening before, he would have had time to shop for an anniversary gift for her. He talks to her in an angry and harsh tone, insisting that it is her fault he did not get her a gift.
As the wife grows more upset at her husband’s behavior, informing him he had an entire year to find a gift, not just a couple hours after work on their anniversary, and that rather wait until the last minute, he could have made an attempt any time in the last week, month, etc. She gets angry and says ugly words to him, then gets upset that she said such hurtful words, and blames him for upsetting her and causing her to curse and lose control.
These two people are not alone in the way they act, feel, or behave. They are both playing the Blame Game, a game many people unfortunately play. Some realize they are playing, and some simply have no idea.
How do we respond when people blame us for their bad behavior? How do we stop playing the Blame Game? The first step is the need to recognize the behavior and why these actions are occurring.
Let’s take the couple mentioned above, beginning with the wife. It’s understandable that she would become upset over her husband being upset, and more so that she would be at his blaming her for what he didn’t do. But why would she blame him when she lost control and said things that she should not have said? He didn’t cause her to say those words. She wanted to blame him for her losing control. The simple fact is she lost control on her own. Instead of accepting responsibility for her lack of control, she chose to blame him.
And now for the husband’s part in the issue. Why did he chose to get upset and blame her because he waited too long and couldn’t find her a gift for their anniversary? Was it really her fault? Why couldn’t he just be honest and say he waited and didn’t find something rather than blaming her?
Unfortunately, some people make it a habit to behave badly and then place the blame for that bad behavior on another person. In their mind, it gives them an excuse to continue to behave in an unacceptable way. As long as they don’t accept responsibility for their bad behavior, they think they don’t have to admit to how they behave and therefore think they don’t have to change. Instead of just saying they messed up, they blame another person for how they act or talk.
A classic example… Fred greets a customer in his place of employment. The customer is in a grouchy mood. As Fred cheerfully tries to help the customer, his nice mood quickly turns sour as the customer talks in a mean tone to him repeatedly. Instead of maintaining his cool, Fred ends up speaking to the customer in the same mean manner that the customer is speaking to him. After the customer leaves, Fred is upset at himself for acting that way, but blames it on the customer.
When another person talks badly to us or behaves badly towards us, it’s often difficult to maintain our cool, to not get upset at them. And when they blame us for their actions or behaviors, it’s very difficult to maintain control and not fall into the Blame Game trap. It’s important to remember that when someone starts pointing fingers for their behavior, that doesn’t mean that we have to do the same thing.
The easiest way to be healed of this dreadful disease is to simply start taking responsibility for our own actions. When we mess up, look in the mirror and blame the one looking back at us rather than blame someone else who never made us do or not do something. And when someone does blame us, don’t fall into the same trap and act as they are acting.
No one makes us behave badly. No one makes us talk in a mean manner to another person. No one makes us treat another person badly. When we fail to treat a person with love and compassion, we have only one person to blame… that human in the mirror peering back at us.
Tagged as:
blame,
games,
Marriage,
problems,
relationships,
toxic
It happens everyday. A woman is abused…physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally. Physical abuse happens all too often to entirely too many women. But she’s not hit by some random stranger. She’s hit by the man she’s married to or lives with, the man that she loves and who is supposed to love her. So why doesn’t she just leave him?
Unfortunately, it sounds easy to just walk away. But it’s not that easy. The man who abuses the woman will usually threaten her in various ways. He will tell her that if she leaves, he will hurt her or her loved ones. He might threaten to hurt himself. Too often the man degrades the woman, so much so that she believes no one else would have her, that she has no place to go, that it’s her fault he loses control and hits her. And in some warped way, she believes that the attention he gives her by abusing her is better than no attention, and that it’s love. So she stays with him and the cycle continues.
A woman who is abused often has very low self esteem. The man who abuses her often does also. He feels he has no control over his life and therefore seeks to control the woman, and in his mind demeaning her and hurting her will make her stay with him, because he has her thinking she can’t survive without him.
Often the man who abuses was abused himself earlier in life, or witnessed abuse. He has a need to try to control and that need often turns into abusing the woman he is with. In general these men appear to be very caring and supportive, when in essence they are really very insecure and afraid of losing the woman they are abusing.
There are many excuses that a man gives for abusing a woman. He can call it love, he can say he is protecting her, he can say his wife will do as he says, he can say she needs someone to keep her in line, he can say she can’t make it without him, he can say she deserves it. It’s still abuse, it’s not love, but there is hope for him if he can see what he is doing.
Too many women think that they can change their abusive man. They believe him when he says he won’t hit them again after he does it again and again. They hide the bruises, they lie about how about why they have to cancel plans with friends, they cover up for him and the cycle continues. The only one that can change the abusive man is the man himself. He has to see what he is doing and want to change. No one can stop his controlling nature for him. But the woman can get out of that dangerous living situation. She can leave. She can have a peaceful life, and one without being hit on and abused.
There are battered women’s shelters all over the country. A woman always has a place that she can go to escape abuse. If a woman is threatened, this is a safe place to go. While sometimes a man who threatens will actually carry out that threat, that’s more rare than the norm. Threats are usually lame attempts to keep the woman from leaving.
Stay with a friend, family, even church members. There is always a place to go, and a way out. A woman who hasn’t worked and doesn’t have income can get help! There’s schooling, there are jobs, there is a way out. It’s not always easy to start over, but the freedom and peace of mind make it all worth it.
One of the hardest parts will be the decision of whether to go back to the man that was hurting you when he says he has changed. People DO change, and there is hope for a man that has abused his wife. To lump all abusers into one basket and say don’t go back is just wrong. Some do change, but some don’t. A lot really depends on the man, his background, his desire to overcome his past, how much he really wants to change, and how much he really wants his wife back in his life.
Tagged as:
Abuse,
Letting Go,
relationships,
women
