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From the monthly archives:

November 2008

The Perfect Christmas Gift

by BlondieWrites on November 19, 2008

Each year as the Christmas season nears, the advertisements get hot and heavy for anything and everything that a person can shop for and purchase as a gift for Christmas. Turn on the TV and you see ads that basically say you don’t love your girl if you don’t buy her diamonds. Flip through a magazine and it’s loaded with more advertisements than content. Sign online and no doubt you will find tons of ads that scream BUY, BUY, BUY.

We all like to get gifts, that’s a given thing. But have we become so material oriented that we’ve forgotten about the greatest gift of all? The gift of love, of giving of oneself, far outweighs any amount of money that could be spent and any material things money could buy. The old saying that money can’t buy love hasn’t changed.

Many folks in today’s world are in such a hurry. We have instant oatmeal, instant coffee, microwaves, ready made meals, etc. We are in such a hurry to get where we are going that we fail to stop and see the beauty of where we are right now. It’s go, go, go, and don’t slow down while going. While we are in such a hurry, we forget to take time and enjoy life. We spend sometimes outrageous sums of money buying things for the people we love, yet deny them the greatest gift of all….. ourselves.

There is one perfect holiday gift. It’s a gift that can be shared and used throughout the entire year. It never gets overused. It never runs out of battery power. It never needs replaced. It’s the one thing you can never have too much of. That perfect gift is you.

Instead of spending a load of money for Christmas and going deeper into debt, wrap up something new and different this year. Wrap up a nice note that gives the gift of your time with those you love and that love you. Rather than trying to buy loads of stuff for the friends, kids, spouse, and loved ones, give the best gift there is, the gift of your time.

The most memorable Christmas gifts won’t be the ones that you spent hundreds of dollars on. It’ll be the gift where you gave of yourself, when you spent time with the people that love you and that you love.

Christmas is a multi-million dollar season, for the businesses who sell Christmas. Maybe it’s time to show he businesses what Christmas is really all about. Over the years, they’ve forgotten too. Christmas isn’t about money and stuff. It’s the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. It’s all about love. Instead of spending money on stuff, let’s spend ourselves on our loved ones.

Popularity: 100% [?]

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Relationship Tips: What Women Really Want in a Man

by BlondieWrites on November 19, 2008

There is a wonderful and adorable creation known as Man. There’s even a 50/50 chance that you are one of these men. Down through the ages, Man has sought to know more about Woman, how she thinks, what makes her tick, what she wants, and how to satisfy her. While there has been some success among the male persuasion in identifying what females want, there are still a significant amount of men who are at a total loss on just what a woman wants.

While these relationship tips cannot possibly speak for all of the female persuasion, they might possibly speak for at least 99.99% of all womankind, or perhaps one.

Most women, if given a choice, would much prefer hugs and snuggling over making love. This isn’t to say we don’t enjoy sex or want it, but most of us actually prefer the romance that comes with cuddling on the sofa and watching a nice movie with our man. We love it when we can give hugs and kisses and it just be because we want to hug and kiss our man, and not necessarily be doing it because we want sex. The sex act is great, but it’s second fiddle when it comes to what we really want, which is just spending quality time with you. And while admittedly we don’t generally care much for the manly action movies, we watch them with you because we love to see how excited they make you. The same goes for a football game.

Women love it when her man thinks of her in ways that don’t involve hopping into bed or spending money on material things. Women like the idea that their man is thinking of them. Little notes left for us, an email to say hi, or a message left on the answering machine are sweet and thoughtful ways to show you care while telling your woman you’re thinking about her. Again, this isn’t to say we don’t enjoy making love to you, this just shows us that you see more to us than a body.

The Toilet Seat dilemma has been raging since the invention of the toilet seat lid. Throughout the history of the toilet seat lid, women and men have fought over up or down. The truth is most women don’t really care if it’s up or down, they just argue with the man over it, so that they can give in, to make the man feel as though he has won the Toilet Seat battle. Women love their men so much that they want the man to feel that the Toilet Seat is their victory, so we let you keep it up so that you don’t have to reach down and pick it up when using it, thereby showing our love for you by reducing the amount of work you must do to use the bathroom.

We love the idea of being around our man all the time, as much as possible. But because we know that, as females, we tend to nag, we know you want your space so we give it to you. But we do it in subtle ways so as not to make it obvious that we know you want your space. So we ask you to do things like take out the trash or mow the grass or go to the store for us. This works great for the women because something gets done that needs doing and we show our love for you yet again by giving you space and time away from us.

Women love it when you want to cook for us. What woman would turn that down? But as much as we love the idea of our man cooking, we really prefer that you don’t attempt this at home unless you are trained. We are just as happy with take out, delivery, or roughing it for a weekend on the lake and living off the fish you catch and clean and fry.

Females are not the least bit upset when her man is driving and gets lost. Well, most are not, but of course there is always the wild woman exception. Women though, do tend to get a bit peeved when her man insists that he isn’t lost and refuses to ask for help or directions from anyone, and when he insists that the map is wrong and he is right. While most men are surely not this way, there’s always a chance that a stray man might happen upon this tip and need to be reassured that it’s okay to ask for directions and help when lost, and okay to actually admit that he is indeed lost.

The one main thing that women want men to know is that when she is in labor and having a baby, it’s never okay for the man to tell the woman that he understands her pain and suffering while she is pushing that baby out of a place that surely was never intended for such a thing to pass through. The closest a man can ever come to knowing that a woman is going through is to swallow a grapefruit and then attempt to wee wee this grapefruit out of his body, all the while his woman at his side holding his hand and telling him what a good job he is doing and how she understands his pain.

Men should always bring his PMSing woman chocolate. While it’s a great thought when she is PMSing, keeping her stocked with chocolate shows just how much you care, even more.

Letting the woman you love know how much you care is really a simple matter. It’s not about saying you love her all the time. It’s the little things like accepting her for herself, letting her know she is pretty even when she thinks she isn’t, talking to her and telling her how you feel, being there for her when she needs someone to lean on, letting her hold you up when you need someone to lean on, and just treating her and loving her the way you want her to treat you and love you.

Popularity: 84% [?]

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The Blame Game: When People Blame You For Their Bad Behavior

by BlondieWrites on November 19, 2008

A man walks into a store, searching for a gift at the last minute for his wife for their anniversary.  He browses for an hour, attempting to find just the right gift, yet leaves the store empty handed, unable to make a decision on what to purchase.  The man arrives home, steamed and angry that he does not have his wife a gift, and today is their first anniversary.
 
When he walks into the house, his wife greets him with a hug, and asks how his day went.  He immediately goes on the defensive, saying if his wife had not kept him out with friends over the weekend or insisted they go to dinner the evening before, he would have had time to shop for an anniversary gift for her. He talks to her in an angry and harsh tone, insisting that it is her fault he did not get her a gift.
 
As the wife grows more upset at her husband’s behavior, informing him he had an entire year to find a gift, not just a couple hours after work on their anniversary, and that rather wait until the last minute, he could have made an attempt any time in the last week, month, etc.  She gets angry and says ugly words to him, then gets upset that she said such hurtful words, and blames him for upsetting her and causing her to curse and lose control.
 
These two people are not alone in the way they act, feel, or behave.  They are both playing the Blame Game, a game many people unfortunately play.  Some realize they are playing, and some simply have no idea. 

How do we respond when people blame us for their bad behavior? How do we stop playing the Blame Game? The first step is the need to recognize the behavior and why these actions are occurring.

Let’s take the couple mentioned above, beginning with the wife. It’s understandable that she would become upset over her husband being upset, and more so that she would be at his blaming her for what he didn’t do. But why would she blame him when she lost control and said things that she should not have said? He didn’t cause her to say those words. She wanted to blame him for her losing control. The simple fact is she lost control on her own. Instead of accepting responsibility for her lack of control, she chose to blame him.

And now for the husband’s part in the issue. Why did he chose to get upset and blame her because he waited too long and couldn’t find her a gift for their anniversary? Was it really her fault? Why couldn’t he just be honest and say he waited and didn’t find something rather than blaming her?

Unfortunately, some people make it a habit to behave badly and then place the blame for that bad behavior on another person. In their mind, it gives them an excuse to continue to behave in an unacceptable way. As long as they don’t accept responsibility for their bad behavior, they think they don’t have to admit to how they behave and therefore think they don’t have to change. Instead of just saying they messed up, they blame another person for how they act or talk.

A classic example… Fred greets a customer in his place of employment. The customer is in a grouchy mood. As Fred cheerfully tries to help the customer, his nice mood quickly turns sour as the customer talks in a mean tone to him repeatedly. Instead of maintaining his cool, Fred ends up speaking to the customer in the same mean manner that the customer is speaking to him. After the customer leaves, Fred is upset at himself for acting that way, but blames it on the customer.

When another person talks badly to us or behaves badly towards us, it’s often difficult to maintain our cool, to not get upset at them. And when they blame us for their actions or behaviors, it’s very difficult to maintain control and not fall into the Blame Game trap. It’s important to remember that when someone starts pointing fingers for their behavior, that doesn’t mean that we have to do the same thing.

The easiest way to be healed of this dreadful disease is to simply start taking responsibility for our own actions. When we mess up, look in the mirror and blame the one looking back at us rather than blame someone else who never made us do or not do something. And when someone does blame us, don’t fall into the same trap and act as they are acting.

No one makes us behave badly. No one makes us talk in a mean manner to another person. No one makes us treat another person badly. When we fail to treat a person with love and compassion, we have only one person to blame… that human in the mirror peering back at us.

Popularity: 97% [?]

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Women and Abusive Relationships: Escaping the Cycle of Abuse

by BlondieWrites on November 19, 2008

It happens everyday. A woman is abused…physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally. Physical abuse happens all too often to entirely too many women. But she’s not hit by some random stranger. She’s hit by the man she’s married to or lives with, the man that she loves and who is supposed to love her. So why doesn’t she just leave him?

Unfortunately, it sounds easy to just walk away. But it’s not that easy. The man who abuses the woman will usually threaten her in various ways. He will tell her that if she leaves, he will hurt her or her loved ones. He might threaten to hurt himself. Too often the man degrades the woman, so much so that she believes no one else would have her, that she has no place to go, that it’s her fault he loses control and hits her. And in some warped way, she believes that the attention he gives her by abusing her is better than no attention, and that it’s love. So she stays with him and the cycle continues.

A woman who is abused often has very low self esteem. The man who abuses her often does also. He feels he has no control over his life and therefore seeks to control the woman, and in his mind demeaning her and hurting her will make her stay with him, because he has her thinking she can’t survive without him.

Often the man who abuses was abused himself earlier in life, or witnessed abuse. He has a need to try to control and that need often turns into abusing the woman he is with. In general these men appear to be very caring and supportive, when in essence they are really very insecure and afraid of losing the woman they are abusing.

There are many excuses that a man gives for abusing a woman. He can call it love, he can say he is protecting her, he can say his wife will do as he says, he can say she needs someone to keep her in line, he can say she can’t make it without him, he can say she deserves it. It’s still abuse, it’s not love, but there is hope for him if he can see what he is doing.

Too many women think that they can change their abusive man. They believe him when he says he won’t hit them again after he does it again and again. They hide the bruises, they lie about how about why they have to cancel plans with friends, they cover up for him and the cycle continues. The only one that can change the abusive man is the man himself. He has to see what he is doing and want to change. No one can stop his controlling nature for him. But the woman can get out of that dangerous living situation. She can leave. She can have a peaceful life, and one without being hit on and abused.

There are battered women’s shelters all over the country. A woman always has a place that she can go to escape abuse. If a woman is threatened, this is a safe place to go. While sometimes a man who threatens will actually carry out that threat, that’s more rare than the norm. Threats are usually lame attempts to keep the woman from leaving.

Stay with a friend, family, even church members. There is always a place to go, and a way out. A woman who hasn’t worked and doesn’t have income can get help! There’s schooling, there are jobs, there is a way out. It’s not always easy to start over, but the freedom and peace of mind make it all worth it.

One of the hardest parts will be the decision of whether to go back to the man that was hurting you when he says he has changed. People DO change, and there is hope for a man that has abused his wife. To lump all abusers into one basket and say don’t go back is just wrong. Some do change, but some don’t. A lot really depends on the man, his background, his desire to overcome his past, how much he really wants to change, and how much he really wants his wife back in his life.

Popularity: 75% [?]

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Women Fishing for Men: How a Woman Can Hook the Right Man

by BlondieWrites on November 19, 2008

One of the main quests in life for a woman is to find the right man that she can not only love but be happy and content with, and actually like. Fishing for a man can bring in a lot of catches on the hook, but most need to be thrown back in, not because of any flaw on the man’s part, but because they simply are not right for you.

In order to be successful in finding the right man, a woman first needs to know herself and she needs to love herself. Loving yourself is paramount to a relationship working out. Knowing who you are, your likes and dislikes, your feelings about various things, and your own personality are key factors necessary for a healthy relationship. Generally speaking, you want a man that matches your personality.

That sounds easy enough, but it’s not that simple. Too often both men and women bottle up their emotions, their feelings, their thoughts. Maybe it’s for fear of rejection, maybe they are afraid to share how they truly feel, maybe they don’t even know how to share, maybe they are just scared to love again after past hurts. Whatever the reason, in order for a relationship to work, both parties have to be open and be themselves so that who they are shines through, rather than hidden behind a wall.

The kind of man you want should be someone that accepts you for who you are and loves you as you are. He doesn’t want to change you. He doesn’t criticize your looks. He doesn’t make you feel inferior or that you aren’t good enough. He loves you as you are, loves your personality, loves everything about you. He is open and honest with you. He won’t tell you what you want to hear, he will tell you the truth. He’s understanding and considerate, and he listens when you share your intimate thoughts and feelings with him.

The next thing to consider when fishing for a man is everyday life. A woman should look for a man that she can share daily life experiences with. If you aren’t whatsoever into outdoor activities, chances are that you will not be happy with a man that lives to camp, fish, hike, or climb mountains. If you absolutely love the opera and he hates it, that’s workable. If you cannot live without making every opera ever performed, and he hates it, you might want to look for a man that loves the opera. If he loves home cooked meals and you are allergic to the kitchen, you might want to look for a man that is into takeout and eating out. If you want wild monkey sex every single day and think sex is all there is to life and he isn’t all that into sex, you might want to look for a monkey instead of a man.

Compatibility is necessary for a happy and healthy relationship. But to be compatible, you simply must know yourself and be yourself. Being true to yourself will allow you to hook the right man, the one that is compatible with your personality.

We all want to be loved and accepted. But too often we want it so bad that we settle for anyone, even if we love them and they love us. Unfortunately, just loving someone isn’t a reason to marry them. The reason is that even though it might be love, if the personalities clash, it won’t last. A woman wants to find a man that fits her.

While there are always exceptions to this, in general a woman wants to fish for a man that is a fit for how she thinks and feels, that loves her for who she is in all ways, that has the same likes and dislikes for the most part, that she can share her intimate thoughts with, and that she can trust.

If however you are only fishing for a man that’s got money and material things, it’s best to throw the fishing pole away right now. The last thing a woman should ever do is look for a man to take care of her financially. That is the most wrong reason there can be to look for a man. If you’re not in it for love and for the man, don’t be in it. Not only is it wrong, it’s not going to work. Men shouldn’t be used or hurt, and to want one only so that he will take care of you is just plain wrong. Money can be gone in a heartbeat, and it doesn’t keep you warm at night like love does.

On the other side of the coin is the man that only wants a woman for her looks. If the man you are interested in is only into looks and uses you for a trophy on his arm, throw him back and look for one that loves the real you, the real you that’s underneath the skin. If he doesn’t like who you are as a person, throw him back and look for one that loves you for you. Looks fade, but real beauty stays because it’s underneath the skin.

In order to hook the man that’s right for you, get to know yourself. Go fishing for the man that makes your heart smile, that is always there, that loves who you are, that makes you laugh, that’s honest with you, and that know how you like your chocolate.

Popularity: 67% [?]

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